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Dealing Informally With Sexual Harassment |
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The Miss Manners' Approach: "I beg your pardon!" This, coupled with strong facial expressions of shock, dismay and disgust can be used .
Naming or Describing the Behavior: "That comment is offensive to women, unprofessional and probably is sexual harassment. This behavior has to stop.
Pretending Not to Understand: This is particularly useful with sexist or sexual remarks and jokes. You keep a deadpan expression and state that you "don't get the point of this" or "I don't understand what this means." You follow up by asking the person to repeat whatever it is they just said, and again claim that you don't understand what they mean.
Using Humor: There are some standard responses, said lightly and jokingly that might be useful:
- "Uh oh! That's sexual harassment - you had better watch out before you get in big trouble."
- "Is this a test to see how I handle sexual harassment?" (This could also be said without humor.)
- "Are you sexually harassing me again? I'm going to have to call the sexual harassment committee (EEOC, my attorney, the affirmative action officer, etc.) right now."
The Sexual Harassment Notebook: Buy yourself a notebook and write in bold letters on the cover, "Sexual Harassment." When the behavior happens, you take out the notebook and casually state, "Could you say that again? I want to write it down." You make a big show of asking for the date, time, checking the place you are at, etc. If asked why you are writing things down, you can blandly say, "I'm just writing things down" or "I'm thinking of writing a book about sexual harassment."
The Sexual Harassment Research Project: This is particularly helpful in dealing with recurrent sexual harasment including harassment by a group. Upon hearing the remark, you whip out a form (written in advance) and say, "I'm so glad you said that. I'm doing research on sexual harassment. Would you mind if I ask you some questions?" The questions are about sexual harassment, such as "How often do you do this?" "How do you choose people to harass?" "Do you discuss this with your girl friend or your mother?" etc. You can make up your own form or a women's center might be willing to come up with a form that could actually be compiled. A ready-made form called the Confrontation Survey is also available from the DC Rape Crisis Center, P.O. Box 21005, Washington, DC 20009.
Writing a Letter to the Perpetrator: The letter consists of three parts:
- Describe what happened in a very factual manner.
- Describe how you feel about the incidents in non-evaluative words such as "I am very upset with this behavior. I find it offensive."
- Say what you want to have happen next: "I want this behavior to stop at once." "I want to be treated in a professional manner, the way every employee [or student] has a right to be treated."
Sending the letter by certified mail, return receipt requested, should impress the recipient that this is an important letter. Should the harassment continue, the receipt and the letter can be used as evidence that sexual harassment existed and that you took steps to inform the perpetrator that the behavior was unwelcome.
Keep a copy for yourself, but don't send a copy to anyone else. The letter works best if it is a private communication.
The letter is successful about 90 percent to 95 percent of the time. Most of the time the harasser says nothing but stops the behavior.
Once in a while the harasser wants to apologize or explain, but it is best not to get into a discussion of the behavior but to simply say, "I don't want to discuss it, I just want the behavior to stop."
Talk to others. You are probably not the only one who is being harassed by this person. Virtually all harassers are serial harassers; their behavior with you is not likely to have been an isolated incident.
Read your institution's policy, brochures, and any other materials it publishes on sexual harassment. This may help you understand more about sexual harassment as well as helping you decide whether to use the institution's resources to deal with the sexual harassment.
Send a copy of the institution's policy or other materials regarding sexual harassment to the person who is making you uncomfortable, underlining the appropriate sections. If you do not want to send it under your name, often a women's group will send it saying that they thought it might be of interest to the person.
Talk to your union representative if you are a member of a union.
Laughing at the harasser's behavior, joking back at the harasser, or initiating sexual joking or a sexual discussion is rarely successful in stopping sexual harassment, because the harasser does not recognize that the behavior he is engaging in is not welcomed by the woman, so continues his behavior.
Don't just ignore it in the hope that it will go away. It won't. When people ignore sexual harassment it often is interpreted as a sign of approval - "She didn't say anything so she must really like it."
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